Regret: Touch your house.
Touch Mail: Seems broken atm.
Catch Uberkid: Get Pokeball > walk in tall grass (screen with bees) > press space to catch.
Unicorn's Dignity: Give homeless man burger > take horn to unicorn north of your house.
Magic Pico Man: Go south from gas station screen.
Make an Old Man Happy: Get sheep's wool from tractor screen > give wool to old man.
Win: Boss battle is just waiting around mostly, dodge the eggs and hen.

Secret 1: Go north from graveyard, get flower > give flower to couple outside warehouse.
Secret 2: Click or walk over the Ukrainian egg that the hen shoots (the multicoloured one).
Secret 3: Die > Go right and meet god.